Not A Chance (Sweet Nothings) Read online

  "I wish she'd just come and talked to me," Travis said.

  "I know, baby," Arden said. She pushed his hair back off his forehead and ran her fingers through it over and over.

  "I know I got no legal right to the baby and I would have given her back. But there's just things Tonya doesn't know. Like how you gotta cut the feet out of her pajamas or she won't sleep. And you can't give her her bath too early or she won't sleep. And after she eats she has to play a while or else she won't sleep. What if she gets sick and Tonya doesn't know what to do? What if they can't afford to take her to the doctor? And what if they decide they don't want her anymore and they...they..." He didn't finish the sentence.

  Arden kept stroking his hair. Slowly his eyelids grew heavy and closed.

  "I wish I could have said goodbye," he said softly. Arden kept stroking him until he dozed off.

  Then she got up and dressed and went to school, making sure Dustin was awake before she left.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Arden spent another week with Travis just like those first few days. He gradually came out of his despondency to the point that he didn't look like he was on autopilot anymore. According to Dustin, he engaged with customers at the shop. He showed interest in the cars he was fixing. And he even flirted with a young mother of two whom he met at the grocery store.

  Still, he was sad and tired when he got home. Arden continued to cook for him and watch him. Dustin seemed to need the break because he snuck off before dinner almost every night. At the end of her second week all-but living there, Travis came home alone. He dropped his keys on the coffee table and went to the kitchen where Arden was standing in front of the stove, a recipe book in one hand, and big spoon in the other. She was trying to make gravy to go with the chicken she was frying.

  She glanced up at Travis and smiled before returning her gaze to the recipe in her hand. Travis leaned on the bar separating the kitchen from the little dining area.

  "Where's Dustin?" Arden asked.

  "On a date."

  Arden looked up, then. "With who?"

  Travis shrugged. "I asked and he told me to mind my own fucking business. So I assume with Emma."

  "Why would you assume that?"

  Travis shrugged again. "Because he's been to see her every night for the past week. And he wouldn't be so sensitive about my asking if it were anyone else."

  Arden stirred the gravy in the pan. "Well I hope it is Emma. He seems like a smart guy. It's about time he comes to his senses."

  "Maybe she's not the girl for him."

  "Travis!" She shot him a look. "That's a ridiculous thing to say. Of course she's the girl for him. Some people are just meant to be together."

  "Like you and me?"

  She didn't look up at him. She knew he wasn't smiling. She had the feeling he was getting tired of having her around. Despite all the free food and sex he was getting. "Yeah," she replied. "Like you and me."

  "Is that what all this has been about? You trying to prove yourself to me?"

  Arden slammed the spoon on the counter and marched over to him. She stood across the bar from him and looked him in the eye. "All of this has been about keeping you from doing something stupid in your grief. Dustin can't stay with you all the time. I wanted to be here with you through this because I love you and you're my friend. I don't have ulterior motives and I'm insulted that you would suggest that I do."

  His expression didn't change. A mixture of despondency and boredom. So far from the Travis she loved and longed for. "I'm not in any position to restart our relationship," he said.

  "I'm not asking you to."

  He looked down, then. "It's making me feel guilty, all you're doing for me. I think it's time you go back to sleeping at your own place."

  Arden's heart sank in spite of herself. "I'll go when Dustin and I agree it's okay for you to be alone. I'll sleep on the couch if it'll make you feel better."

  He surprised her by reaching across the counter and taking her hand. He lifted it to his lips. "I want you to have dinner with me tonight. Because you've gotten pretty damn good at fried chicken and I'm really hungry. Then I want you to go home. I appreciate all you've done. But I'm going to be okay now."

  She felt the tears she hated so much stinging her eyes. "Travis, I can make you happy, I know I can."

  He laughed, then, and took a step back. "Isn't this quite the role reversal. I'm going to take a shower."

  Arden took the opportunity to shed a few tears while he was in the shower and she was finishing up dinner. They ate together in silence and then she packed her things. Travis wanted her to go home, but she insisted on waiting until Dustin got back. Then she went back to her apartment to find Emma curled up on the couch in her jammies about to watch a movie. It was a welcome sight. Arden ran upstairs, changed into her own pajamas and then joined Emma.

  With Arden around in the evenings, Dustin had taken to checking on Emma. The whole experience with Tonya and her boyfriend had been fairly traumatic and Dustin was concerned. But as Emma regained her composure over the week and no longer needed the shoulder to cry on, Dustin found himself unable to stay away.

  One night he went to her apartment, knocked on the door and went inside without waiting for an answer. He'd come to feel quite at home there. Inside, Emma was dressed in her usual 1950's Good Housekeeping style. There were amazing smells coming from the kitchen and she was cheerfully setting two places at the table. She looked up at him in surprise.

  No more surprise than what he felt. And then he felt angry. "You expecting someone?" he asked sharply.

  Her smile dropped. "Yes. Why?"

  Dustin clenched his teeth. "Why? I don't know. Maybe because I've seen you every evening for over a week and you never said anything about having a date."

  "Who said it was a date?"

  "It pretty much looks like a date."

  "So what if it is?"

  "Stop answering me with questions, dammit. Who is he? Huh? Who is it you're cooking dinner for?"

  She tossed a handful of silverware on the table and then stood up with her fists on her hips. "It's not a date. I was cooking dinner for you, dummy. But now I want you to leave because you're being a jackass!"

  Dustin froze. "Oh," was all he could think to say.

  "So go ahead," Emma said. "Leave."

  Dustin shuffled his feet. He glanced past her into the kitchen. "What did you make?"

  "Meat loaf. Your favorite."

  He wondered how she knew what his favorite meal was. "Can I stay?" he asked.

  Emma shrugged and looked away.

  "I'm sorry. I was jealous, I guess. Can I please stay?"

  She shrugged again. "I guess so. This isn't a date, though."

  "Of course not."

  Dustin helped her finish setting the table and pouring tea. During that process the tension vanished and they ate together and chatted about every little thing. When dinner was over, they washed dishes together and by the end of the evening, Dustin didn't want to leave. He was starting to forget why he'd broken up with this girl.

  "You want to maybe go to the movies tomorrow night?" Dustin asked as they sat on the sofa sipping coffee.

  "Um..."

  "It wouldn't be a date," Dustin hurried to say. "Just as friends."

  "Oh." Emma still hesitated.

  "There's a new Kate Hudson movie playing that's supposed to be...good."

  She laughed, then. "You can't even say that with a straight face. You do not want to go see any Kate Hudson movie."

  "No," he said, "but I wouldn't mind sitting next to you and holding your hand while you see it," he said.

  She turned red and looked away. "Okay," she said. "As long as it isn't a date."

  "Absolutely not a date." Then he sat his coffee down. Took hers and sat it aside. And kissed her on the lips. It was another hour before he finally went home.

  Arden sat at her dining table early Saturday morning. There were school papers spread out in front of her, but she
wasn't looking at them. She was tapping her pen on the table and pondering the conversation she'd had yesterday with a private detective she'd hired to track down Tonya.

  "I found her," he said. "She's over in a one-bedroom apartment in Garber living with some guy and his two kids. I tracked down the car using the license plate numbers you gave me and then found her from there."

  Arden had given him the plate numbers off of Travis's Cyclone which Tonya had stolen a couple of months ago. "You found the car?" she asked.

  "I found the guy who bought the car. You want his number and address?"

  Arden said yes. Now maybe she could get Travis his goodbye and possibly his car back, too. That had been a bonus.

  The only question in her mind now, was, whether she should go find Emma herself first. Or tell Travis and let him deal with it. She really wanted to go herself and get things lined up so she could surprise him. But that man that Tonya was dating had hit Emma. If he was around, it would be best for her not to be alone. So she opted to bring Travis with her.

  She waited until she knew he'd be getting ready to go to work and then drove to his house. It had been a week since she'd stopped spending the night. It was the end of February and a warm, false-spring day. Arden kept her windows down and enjoyed the excitement of Spring's approach.

  Travis actually smiled when he opened the door to find her there. He even looked her up and down despite the fact that she was only dressed in her ratty jeans and a t-shirt. "Well, hey there beautiful," he said.

  She blushed all over. "I've got some news for you. Can we sit?"

  Travis stepped back and gestured for her to enter. When they were seated on the couch she took his hands in hers. "I know where Tonya is."

  He immediately paled. "How...why...." He looked away, confused.

  "I hired a detective my dad knows over in Bixy. Do you want to go say goodbye to Emily?"

  He looked at her, then, as though he was seeing her for the first time. She waited and watched him, unsure whether he would be angry or relieved or happy or what. And then he grabbed her face between his hands and shoved his tongue down her throat. Arden squeaked once in surprise before losing herself in the most passionate kiss of her life. He grabbed her shoulders and held her tight. She felt hot and tingly all over and a longing spread from her center throughout her body. She wanted to feel all of his skin on all of her skin. She wanted to wrestle with him and roll around and take turns being on top and make the loving last for hours.

  When Dustin came down the hall and interrupted them, Arden looked down and was surprised to find her clothes were still on.

  "I'm headed to the shop," he said.

  "Can you handle it yourself today?" Travis asked. He was still holding Arden by her shoulders.

  Dustin grinned and shook his head. "Sure. Have fun." He grabbed his keys and left.

  Travis turned back to Arden, his eyes wide. "Can we go see Emily, now?"

  Arden licked her lips and contemplated asking him to give her a few minutes of his time first. He sat there all strong and vulnerable in jeans and a NASCAR t-shirt, those big shoulders, that handsome face, and the remembrance of past love-making...all combining to fill her with insatiable, mouth-watering lust.

  "You okay?" he asked when she didn't immediately answer.

  "Uh-huh," she squeaked, meeting his eyes.

  And then the cocky half-grin appeared. She'd missed that. "You sure?"

  She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

  He kissed her softly on the cheek. "When we get back..." he said, lifting his eyebrows.

  She smiled and nodded, excited that he wanted her. Even if it was later.

  They were quiet during the half-hour drive to Garber. Arden twice told him that she hadn't verified this information with her own eyes, and that he should try to keep his hopes reined in. He assured her he would, but she could tell by the tension in his body that he was fairly wound up.

  Garber was a dumpy little town. Which was saying something coming from the perspective of a Splitlog resident. The surrounding land was swampy, so there were tons of mosquitoes in the Summer. Houses were run down. Businesses barely survived. Travis took a couple of wrong turns with Arden attempting to direct him using the maps on her iPhone. Finally they found the shabby, roach-infested apartments. Tonya's was on the far end.

  "You should wait here," Travis said, staring out the windshield.

  "No, actually, I think you should wait here. That guy might find you threatening. Let me go in first."

  "I won't be threatening. She's my ex-wife, I can see her if I want."

  "See?" Arden said. "Look at you already getting territorial. Let's try to avoid a fight, shall we?" She hopped out without waiting for him to answer.

  She knocked on the door and immediately felt filthy, despite that it was only her knuckles coming into contact with the decrepit surface. A few seconds later, a large man in a stained t-shirt opened the door. Arden was immediately hit with a wall of cigarette smoke. The man towered over her, strong and slovenly but with a hint of a beer gut hanging over the waistband of his sweat pants. "Yeah?" he asked rudely.

  Arden lifted her chin. "I'm a friend of Tonya's. Is she home?"

  Jerry Lee turned, leaving the door opened and fell back into a squeaky, lopsided recliner. "Tonya!" he yelled, his eyes already glued to the television set. "A woman here to see you!"

  Arden stepped inside and heard the sound of a baby crying. Two children, a boy and a girl, were running around the kitchen screaming and playing. The sink overflowed with dirty dishes. The shag carpet was ripped in places and likely infested with vermin of all sorts. Arden looked to the direction of the baby crying. Emily was laying in what appeared to be a doggie bed, her bottle on the floor beside her. Arden restrained herself from going to pick her up.

  Tonya came down the hall, then. She looked terrible. Her red hair, now dyed to an atrocious orange, hung limp around her sallow face. She wore a tank top and some faded sweat pants with holes in the knees. As soon as she saw Arden, though, her face lit up with a smile. "What are you doing here?" she asked, running up to Arden and hugging her. "What's your name again?"

  "Arden. I came to see how you and Emily were doing." Arden hugged her back.

  "Oh, you were the one sleeping with Travis."

  "I wasn't...back then I wasn't...we weren't..." Arden slammed her mouth shut. What was the point. "Yes. That was me. I hope you don't mind, but I brought Travis with me. He was hoping to get to hold Emily one last time and say goodbye."

  Tonya's expression immediately became guarded. "That's my baby. I had every legal right to take her back."

  Arden held up her hands defensively. She glanced at Jerry to make sure he wasn't paying attention. "Of course you did, Tonya. It's just, Travis loved her so much. And all he wants is to say goodbye. Maybe see if there's anything you need. You know, he had all that baby furniture and clothes for up to a year old in size. They're really Emily's things. I'm sure he'd like to give them to you if you want to talk to him about it."

  Tonya seemed to be struggling with how to respond. "Where is he?"

  "Outside. It's a beautiful day. Could we take Emily outside for a few minutes?"

  Tonya hesitated again. Then she burst into a smile. "Sure. As long as he don't aim to yell at me."

  "He doesn't. I promise."

  Tonya gathered Emily up from the floor and followed Arden outside.

  "Where you going?" Jerry hollered after her. "Bring back more beer!" he said as the door closed, apparently thinking Tonya was going to the store.

  Travis leaned against the hood of Arden's Miata smoking a cigarette. As soon as he saw them, he flicked the cigarette down and approached them. He had eyes only for Emily, a slow, sad smile blooming on his face. Emily squinted against the sunlight and rubbed her nose with her fist.

  "Aw, she's tired," Travis said. He looked up at Tonya. "Can I hold her?" he asked.

  Tonya looked to Arden who nodded assuringly. Tonya handed her to Travis. Tra
vis scooped her up and pressed her gently to his chest. "Oh, I've missed you, little girl," he said, kissing her head and burying his nose in her hair. She squirmed and he adjusted her position, putting her up on his shoulder. She lay her head down, then, yawned and closed her eyes, her little hands clutching the fabric of his t-shirt. "Thank you, Tonya," he said. "This means everything to me."

  "Sure," Tonya said. "I didn't know you liked her so much. I figured I was doing you a favor getting her out of your hair."

  There was a flash of anger in Travis's eyes which he quickly quelled. "No, actually, it just about killed me losing her like that. I know she's yours. But I'd sure like to stay in contact. Anytime you feel like a visit or something, just bring her on over. I'll even babysit if you ever want a weekend away." He closed his eyes and gave Emily, who was now sleeping peacefully and drooling on his shoulder, a little squeeze.

  Tonya glance nervously toward her front door. Her hand came unconsciously up to the left side of her rib cage. "Thanks, Travis. I might take you up on that."

  Arden watched Tonya throughout their conversation. She examined her and saw needle marks on the insides of her elbows. Her eyes were bloodshot and dark underneath. Arden couldn't help hating her for living this life with an innocent child in the mix. But for the first time, she also saw a scared young woman with a lifetime of bad decisions and no prospects for a positive future. For the first time, she felt compassion for Tonya. She looked up at Travis and realized that he always felt compassion, even in his anger. And she respected him so much for how he was handling this situation.

  "If you'd like to have all of that baby stuff, I'll bring it up in the truck later on," he was saying. He'd been telling her about all of the things he'd acquired in the two months he'd kept Emily.

  Tonya nodded but didn't seem to be listening. "That would be great," she said. Her hand went back to her rib cage. "Maybe you'd better go on for now. I'll try to bring her by sometime next week," she said.

  Travis's eyes welled up and he squeezed Emily one more time. Then he seemed to notice Tonya's nervousness. He glanced at the front door and his eyes clouded with anger. "You hurt, there, Tonya?" he asked, nodding to her hand resting on her side.