Not A Chance (Sweet Nothings) Read online

  "What is it exactly that you find amusing?"

  "I don't know. You just got in a fist fight with a girl who claims to be sleeping with your fiancé and the only emotion that is manifesting here is mild annoyance. It's like if you had a flat tire or your heel broke or something."

  "I'm just tired, that's all. Maybe it's shock or something. I haven't spoken to Nick, yet. I feel like if I avoid talking to him, then maybe this whole Ashley thing will just go away."

  Shannon smiled gently at her. "When will you talk to him?"

  "I don't know. He called me three times this morning, but I just let it go to voicemail. I'm pretty sure as soon as I hear his voice or see his face I'm just going to lose it."

  Shannon and Russell lived in a two-story farmhouse off a county road. Their long driveway was gravel. They heard Travis's car from a half a mile away. As the engine sound grew louder, Arden's heart began to beat faster. She chalked it up to the caffeine. "I don't think I want to see him," Arden said.

  Shannon patted her knee again. "I'll take care of it." A few seconds later there was a knock at the door. Shannon hopped up to answer it, greeting Travis with a smile. "Russ is out back," she said sweetly. "I'll bring you some coffee if you like."

  "Aren't you sweet," Travis replied. "Can I come in real quick?"

  "You know what, let me walk you to the garage. I need to find out if Russell wants any breakfast." She took him by the arm but he stood firm.

  "I'll answer for Russell right now. Yes. He does want breakfast. And as long as you're cooking, I'd love some too. Now may I come in?"

  "Travis," Shannon said, letting out a sigh. Then she stepped aside and let him in.

  Arden sat up a little straighter on the couch, pulling her feet underneath her. She looked up when she heard Travis's footsteps approach.

  "Well, well, well," he said. "How are you holding up, champ?"

  She glared at him. He had a small cut on his bottom lip that made it swell slightly. "I'm fine. I came here to talk to Shannon, not you."

  Travis dramatically placed his hand over his heart as though he'd been wounded to the core. He sat on the couch and angled himself toward her. Shannon had disappeared into the kitchen, apparently taking to heart Travis's request for breakfast.

  "So," Travis said, looking up at the ceiling, his brow furrowed in mock concentration. "The way I heard it, you caught Nick and Ashley...together...and then got in a fight with her, resulting in her nearly being killed. Is that at all accurate?"

  "No. She showed up and started saying these grotesquely obscene things and I lost my temper."

  Travis grinned and shook his head. "I wish I could have seen that."

  "You're sick, you know that?" Arden looked away in disgust.

  "I'm sorry. I'm just surprised, that's all. Plus, I love a good fight."

  "It wasn't like I was looking for a fight. If she'd just come to me and said, 'Hey, I've been sleeping with Nick,' then I would have controlled my anger. But she just kept going on and on in greater and greater detail. She just wouldn't stop." Arden was on the verge of tears, now, so she bit her bottom lip and turned up the volume on the TV.

  Travis's expression sobered as he watched her. "Have you spoken to Nick?"

  "No." She turned to face him. "And don't act like you aren't just thrilled with this turn of events. You just can't wait for Nick and me to break up so you can swoop in and rescue me."

  Travis gave her a gentle, forgiving smile which ended up softening her mood. She sighed and leaned her head back on the couch.

  "I had my hands around her throat, Travis. I've never in my life been so angry. I never thought I could just attack someone like that."

  Travis frowned and nodded. "Shit happens."

  "To you, maybe. You're wired that way. I'm a civilized, evolved human being."

  Travis laughed at her, way too hard. "I'm sorry," he said, apologizing for his laughter. "It's just...you say that like it's a good thing."

  "Being civilized?"

  "Yeah. Being civilized...like denying all of your basic impulses in some spartan effort to achieve an arbitrary standard of enlightenment...like it's a good thing. Come down and play in the dirt with us animals, Arden. It's lots more fun."

  She glared at him. "You disgust me."

  His eyes roamed her face. "You have quite an opposing effect on me. That black eye...God, you look cute."

  "Breakfast is ready!" Shannon's voice sounded.

  Travis jumped up and headed straight for the kitchen. Arden shook her head. She must not have too strong of an effect on him if the mere mention of food sent him running. She stood and followed him at a more subdued pace into the kitchen.

  "Travis would you go get Russell?" Shannon asked from where she was flipping over some eggs in a skillet.

  "Yes, ma'am," he said, and then disappeared out the back door.

  "Come give me a hand?" Shannon asked. Arden nodded and started plating food per Shannon's instructions.

  Russell and Travis walked in through the back door, deep in discussions about the state of Russell's truck. They sat at the kitchen table, still talking.

  "Here, Arden," Shannon said, "Would you pour coffee?" She handed her a coffee pot. The mugs were already on the table.

  Arden poured some coffee for Russell, but when she saw Travis's expectant grin she realized she wasn't comfortable with the situation. She sat the coffee pot down on the table and left Travis to pour his own.

  Just as she returned to the kitchen, Shannon handed her two plates, both full of bacon and eggs with sides of biscuits and gravy. Arden took them and looked back over her shoulder at the men. She set the plates on the counter. "You know what," she said. "You're not a short order cook, Shannon." She turned on Russell. "How dare you sit there on your lazy ass and let her wait on you hand and foot."

  "Arden!" Shannon said.

  Russell looked up at her, nonplussed. "Honey, I think the demonic spirit of Alice has possessed your friend, here," he said to Shannon.

  Arden threw up her hands. "Honestly, don't you feel the least bit guilty about the way she runs around doing everything for you and you don't even trouble yourself to thank her?"

  Russell's eyes began to narrow. He looked to Shannon, who stared at him apologetically.

  Travis seemed to be fighting amusement. But instead of laughing, he stood, pulled out a chair, and offered it to Arden. She reluctantly sat. Then Travis retrieved the plates, gave Russell his and then sat the other one in front of Arden. Shannon dished out two more plates and she and Travis took their seats.

  Arden stared in horror at Russell who was looking back at her in disgust. "I'm so sorry, Russ," she said. "I don't know what got into me. I'm really, very sorry."

  He stared at her for another moment and then picked up his fork to start eating.

  "It's obvious," said Travis, "that since your pride won't allow you to admit your love for me, your confounded emotions are manifesting themselves in frequent outbursts of anger and frustration." He smiled, pleased with his assessment.

  "Aren't some of those words a little too big for you?" Arden asked.

  Russell choked on his orange juice.

  "I read a lot of books," Travis replied. "I'm a smart guy."

  "You're an asshole."

  "You can be both." Travis proceeded to enjoy his breakfast.

  Arden rolled her eyes and picked up her fork. Shannon had been watching to make sure everyone made it through the tension unscathed. Satisfied, she took a bite of her bacon.

  There was silence for a few minutes except for the clanking of forks on plates. But then Arden looked up at Travis. "Also, I'm not in love with you. Just so you know."

  He didn't look up at her. He shrugged. "You say it so often I'm starting to think you're trying harder to convince yourself than me."

  Arden let out a sharp laugh.

  "I agree," Russell said. "You should just sleep with him and get it over with."

  Travis nodded vehemently.

  Arden
rolled her eyes. She would have argued, but she figured Russell was just getting back at her.

  "Honestly, Arden, you could do a lot worse than Travis," Shannon said with a playful wink.

  Arden gawked at her. She didn't have to look to see the self-satisfaction on Travis's face. "I could do a lot better, too," Arden replied.

  Travis paused with a bite of food in midair and looked at her, hurt.

  Arden closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, Travis. But leaving feelings out of it and looking at this thing rationally, I can do better than you. Not because my parents are rich, but because I don't have near the baggage you do. And maybe I don't want to deal with it."

  He was slowly turning red. "If you love me, then none of that matters."

  "That's bull, Travis. My loving you...or...or not loving you...does not erase your past or your family. The problems will still be there. And since I know in advance that they are there, why would I put myself in a position to fall in love with you and then have to deal with them."

  Shannon and Russell watched the interchange. Russ seemed particularly interested. He looked to Travis for his answer.

  Travis clenched his teeth. "So what you're saying is, there's no forgiveness for me. I may as well not even bother trying to make my life better because I'll never be allowed to be happy, is that what you're saying?"

  "You insist on making me out to be this cold-hearted bitch."

  "How would you feel if the situation were reversed? If I were to pick apart your past and determine your worth in a completely rational manner with no thought whatsoever to your feelings?"

  "You're not seeing it from my position, Travis. You want me to spend the rest of my life with you. To raise children with you. Isn't now the right time to be pragmatic? You're an alcoholic." She ticked each item off on her fingers. "You have a terrible temper. And you're completely blind to the faults of your brother, a man I consider to be very dangerous. Not to mention that your ex-wife is living with you, and a baby soon to come. Plus, how much could you possibly be making from the garage? How are you going to support a family on your income?"

  "Keep going, Arden, I think there's a little piece of my heart that you haven't stomped on yet."

  "This isn't about your heart. It's about my life. You're the one who let your heart get involved. You're the one who keeps pushing me to say these things. I think you're a wonderful man who deserves to be happy. I just don't think I could commit to being with you in such unstable surroundings." Her cheeks were burning and she willed her nerves to cool back down.

  Shannon had collected plates and was now tugging on Russell's arm. Russell stared at the space in front of him looking thoroughly depressed.

  "Let's give them some privacy," Shannon said. She tugged on Russell's arm again and this time he got up and left with her.

  Once they were gone, Arden and Travis stared at the spaces in front of them. "I'm sorry, Travis," Arden said. Her voice was numb and monotone. "I shouldn't have said all of that."

  "Why?" he asked, sounding bitter and sad. "It's true, isn't it? It's what you're thinking, right?"

  Arden shook her head. Yeah, maybe it was true. But Travis was a good man with strong character. He'd overcome much and was likely to overcome more. Maybe that should be enough for her. Love and proof of character. Maybe she should focus on that instead of the dreadful facts of his life and family surrounding him. "Why do you want me?" she asked.

  "I guess if we're judging by your standards--because you're rich, you've lived a sinless life and your parents are good solid citizens."

  She looked at him then. He was slumped down in his chair, his eyes glazed over. "Please don't be mean to me, Travis."

  Slowly he nodded. "I'm sorry. I feel like shit right now."

  "I know," Arden said. "That's why I want to know why you want me. Because I make you feel like shit."

  He laughed, then. Then he took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and looked away. "There's no 'why' to love. When we were snowed in together, you were so sweet to me. You listened to me. You took care of me. It got me to imagining what it would be like being married to you. I could picture you pregnant with my baby, a toddler on your hip and a smile on your face. I'd come home from work and you'd rush over to kiss me. We'd have dinner together and afterwards you'd wash dishes while I dried. We'd put the kids to bed and then I'd rub your feet and listen to you talk about your day. We'd take a hot bath together and then go to bed and make love. And it would be that kind of love making that just feels like coming home after being lost for ages." He stared into space, his shoulders slumped. His voice was monotone and quiet. "I'm a fucking idiot. I know that. I tell myself to not get my hopes up...to stop fantasizing about a future that might never happen. I just can't help it. I was fine before I met you, but now I'm so fucking lonely I want to die."

  Arden's chest ached. It had been a completely unfamiliar feeling until Travis came along. It spread through her body so that even her skin hurt and she felt the only thing that could relieve the pain was his touch. As he spoke she felt tears sting her eyes. She watched his expression and the vulnerability displayed there. He was a good man. And he loved her.

  She took in a shuddering breath. "What..." she started. Then she took another breath. "What would we do? I mean...hypothetically...what would happen if I said I wanted you?"

  He looked at her, unbridled hope in his eyes. But thankfully he restrained himself. "Whatever you wanted, Arden. I guess you'd probably want to date for a while. Or we could just skip all that and get married. Or live together. Anything."

  Arden nodded and stared down at the table. "I guess we could even just be friends for a while."

  "Mm-hmm," Travis said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Or, even better, friends who sleep together sometimes."

  She looked up and grinned at him then. "I love..." She slammed her mouth shut, her eyes going wide. What was she about to say? She felt terrible as she saw the hope and joy bloom on Travis's face.

  "Arden?"

  She shook her head. "I don't feel well. I'm going home."

  He stood with her and followed her to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob preventing her leaving. "Arden?" he asked again, softly and looking into her eyes deeply. He started to reach for her.

  "Don't touch me," she said. "I need to go home." She shoved his hand out of the way and ran out the door, to her car, driving home as fast as she could to get away from him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  It was Sunday afternoon. Arden was still in her pajamas. She sat on her bed with her knees hugged to her chest watching TV. Well, the TV was on. Her thoughts were elsewhere.

  "Since when did my life become so filled with drama?" she asked. Emma was on speakerphone. Her cell sat beside her on the bed.

  "Since you met Travis. Everything was smooth sailing before that."

  Arden agreed. Smooth sailing. She wanted it back. She found that she didn't care if Nick cheated, just as long as she didn't know about it. But the thought of Travis kissing anybody else or making love to anybody else just made her want to destroy things. With Nick, she wouldn't have any challenges. Life would be just as it always had been. People would take care of her and everything she needed would be laid at her feet. Life with Travis would surely involve not only physical work and cooperation, but also a mental and emotional sacrifice that she wasn't sure she was capable of making.

  And yet yesterday had revealed something to her. She couldn't bring herself to think the words, let alone say them. It was too painful and all she wanted was to shed herself of these feelings and go back to the way things were. Sure, she'd be giving up passion and love and all those good things. But she wouldn't have to deal with the flip sides to those emotions. Anger and hate and fear. It was just better the way she had it planned. So she wouldn't think about Travis's inviting embrace or the overwhelmingly enticing prospect of kissing him, let alone making love with him. She would just not think about those things at all.

  "You're right," she said to Emma
. "Travis is the root cause of all of my problems. So the logical thing to do is to cut him out of the equation."

  She heard Emma sigh in frustration.

  "No, really. I'm not going to think about him anymore. I'm not going to see him or talk to him. I'll stay in my room, if I have to, until I'm completely past whatever this is that I feel for him."

  "Okay, Arden. Lots of luck with that."

  There was a knock on her bedroom door. "Gotta go," she said. She pushed the end call button. "Come in," she said.

  Nick walked in looking stubbled and bloodshot. Arden wilted inside. She wasn't ready for this. Then again, she probably never would be.

  "Arden, I've been trying to give you some space, but you don't answer my calls and I've been worried sick." He came and sat on the edge of her bed.

  "Your lover attacked me from out of nowhere. Excuse me if I needed a little time to recover."

  Nick closed his eyes. "Whatever she said, Arden, it ended a long time ago." He opened his eyes and took her hand.

  "How long ago?" she asked softly.

  Nick hesitated.

  "Yeah, that's what I thought."

  "I don't want to lose you," he said.

  She ignored him. "So, I just want to clarify: at some point in time--last week, last month, last year--you did cheat on me?"

  Nick hung his head. "It's complicated."

  "Do you love her?"

  He groaned and pressed his face into his hands.

  "It's okay, Nick. It happens. You can be in love with two people at once. The important thing is that you don't screw around on the one you're engaged to."

  Nick looked up at her, his eyes red-rimmed. "I'm so sorry, Arden. I was in love with her. I fell in love with her a couple of years ago, during our last breakup. I tried to break things off. I thought she and I could keep being friends."

  Arden figured she would deal with any feelings she might have on this matter later. Now was a time for rational discussion. "If you loved her that much, why did you and I get back together?"

  "Because we have a history, Arden. Our relationship is so solid. We're supposed to be together."